I’m not sure what i expected

I just joined OkCupid, I clearly state I am trans in my profile and ask that people that message me indicate they understand that. This was the first message I got

dowd1588:

hey so explain to me have you had any operations?

I respond thusly

not yet, nor am I on hormones, though I plan on getting both eventually

Aaaand he promptly closes his account.

I’m not sure what I expected

-Christine

98% of the *4t ads on Craig’s List are in “casual encounters”. Because all we are to people in that space are potential fucks, an experiment, a side trip to earn kink cred.
The few posts in the “miscellaneous romance” section are where people, generally men, at least claim to want a relationship.
But even here, the encounter is casually framed in such a way to reinforce the fundamentally sexual dynamic.
Or does most guys announce their dick size when trying to date cis women too?

98% of the *4t ads on Craig’s List are in “casual encounters”. Because all we are to people in that space are potential fucks, an experiment, a side trip to earn kink cred.

The few posts in the “miscellaneous romance” section are where people, generally men, at least claim to want a relationship.

But even here, the encounter is casually framed in such a way to reinforce the fundamentally sexual dynamic.

Or does most guys announce their dick size when trying to date cis women too?

there are better flavors

I very much would consider a trans person an option. Particularly one who is so delicately beautiful. But would you consider me an option? m not that far from you and would be willing to travel to you during the day if you would like to start out by meeting for lunch (my treat).

I apologize for being so forward but I don’t want to mislead about wanting sexuality to be a big part of the relationship.

I’m looking for an intelligent, sensual woman who can do explosive but enjoys long, languid sessions where we talk, have sex, whisper, tease one another into more sex, laugh, enter into fierce sex, have sex in the shower, and then take turns pleasing one another back in bed.

My female friends say that I’m handsome, passionate, kind,energetic, mature, intelligent, and that I have a poetic heart. I realize that as my friends, they tend to be a little prejudiced. One friend says that I can turn a kinky phrase on a dime. I’m not sure what that means, but I’ll take it. :)

I am married and require discretion as well. But I can get away during the day most anytime (mainly weekdays) and can do so in the evening if we schedule far enough out. So days are not the only times for me. It is just more convenient.

I have no way of storing pics in okcupid without posting them publicly so I do without. I’ll be glad to e-mail you pics if I pique your interest. I stay in shape with cycling and pilates.

I also have some scenes I can share from my history that go beyond vanilla. Just ask

The big WTF?! for me here is that it’s the 5th paragraph before he casually mentions that he’s married. And takes it for granted that this wouldn’t be an issue for me.

But hey, he has a poetic heart, so I guess that makes it okay.

Hun, it may be beyond vanilla, but I’m not interested in shit on a stick.

I saw you looking at me…

[submitted by bitternessbarbie]

I saw you looking at me out the corner of my eye

I could tell you weren’t my type, so I didn’t turn to meet yr gaze

But then you planted yrself right in front of me and continued to stare

Then I felt bad, I felt obligated to talk to you because you were staring so sweetly

It must’ve been the sound of my voice — it drops a register when I have to talk in loud environments

I can’t imagine what else it was because yr whole body language changed when I said “hello”. 

You turned cold — like I was giving you unwanted attention — like yr staring at me for last ten fucking minutes never happened.

Then you signaled yr friend over and I see you whisper to her.  Then I heard you say

"just stay here…just stay here…"

I wasn’t even attracted to you — I was being nice when I responded to your beckoning.  Now you reject me because I’m trans…

copy “I read your profile”, paste, try again

Best thing I ever did on my OkCupid profile was to put this in right in the first section:

BIG NOTE: I am a transgender woman. If you want to talk to me, best educate yourself on that point. And if your message does not gives me any indication that you’ve read and are okay with, or at least open to, this fact, I will not reply to you. 

Because now I know, really truly know, that messages like this are just copy and paste bullshit.

I’m looking through your profile, and I have found a lot of interesting stuffs about you that makes me want to know you better . I’d appreciate your insights on getting to know you. Would love to keep in touch with you . 

Thanks for making this so easy!

Online Dating Encounters of the Cissexist Kind

I commented on a wonderful post by SugarCunt, Online Dating Mistakes and 5 Steps to Avoid Them (which you should totally read by the way). My comment amounted to a post in itself, so I reproduced with some slight alterations. Includes some wonderful WTF quotes from cis messengers.

Stop “girl-talking” to Me

Anonymous Submission

Seriously, though, this happens far too often: a girl will start talking to me like I’m her female friend while in fact I’m more of her trans-male acquaintance. Inevitably, she’ll start going on and on about how men are awful and only after one thing, etc.

Meanwhile, I’m sitting there, feeling very uncomfortable with this conversation. Then she’ll turn to me and say something like, “Oh well, who needs men, am I right?? They’re pigs!”

But…uh…I’m a man…and everything that you’re talking about with me bothers me on two different levels:

  1. I’m trans, as I’ve tried explaining to you before (but you apparently don’t comprehend). So kindly stop talking to me about how much men stink and find, oh, I don’t know, maybe a GIRLFRIEND of yours to gossip with??
  2. Not all men stink. There aren’t even “only a handful of good ones” or something stupid like that. Men and women, I’ve found, have equal opportunity to be complete jerks. No, it’s just the men in your life who have treated you poorly who may stink. Stop stereotyping and generalizing your complaints. And if you’re “just venting”, then again, refer to #1….thanks.

Thanks, bro

Submission from impossibletospell

Opened my inbox to see “Why don’t you try dating females instead? The last thing a gay guy wants to see is—” 

Lemme guess. 

Hang on. 

What could it be? 

Oh, oops, I hit delete. Now we’ll never know. 

Submission from Rebecca
Yes. Yes it is.

Submission from Rebecca

Yes. Yes it is.

Anonymous asked: I'm a trans man, mostly on the gay side of bi, and thinking of dating, even after I have fully transitioned, just leaves me in despair. I think I'd make a decent boyfriend, especially in the romantic gesture and breakfast-cooking departments, but I don't even try to date. I know this is a blog for "wtf" stuff, but is there any cause for hope? Is there anyone who likes trans guys, who aren't lesbians or fucked-up old straight cis men?

Anon, I know many trans men who are in relationships, ones that cover the entire range available to cis people, from shitty to awwww-worthy. The more trans people I meet, the more I believe we really do have as much cause for hope as anyone else. It’s just that dating kinda sucks for everyone!

Don’t give up hope. And keep getting even better at breakfast. I know that would win my heart!

Jen

p.s. I’ve been so busy with the Trans 100, I haven’t had a chance to catch up here, or on Trans Love Stories, but do check out the latter for a bit of inspiration.